ï deleted over a years worth of posts. i don't want to think about this past year. i'm so done with it. i'm done with this journal, too. i'll be over at stupidsmart if you wanna visit me sometime. this journal will no longer be updated. i'm done with realhumpy.
i hate my problem with blushing. i turn red sometimes when i meet new people or people i don't really know ask me direct questions and look straight at me. agh! it's torture. i feel like such an idiot.
in other news, "be thankful for what you've got" by william devaughn is a brilliant song. and it says "woo woo" in the song. A+
hung out with jamie last night. she invited me to see grand ole party. fun band. free show. good times. met a myspace friend.
i asked my manager if i could go back to working where i was before. this fucked up schedule is taking its toll. he told me he's working on it. so, we'll see. i'll go back to walking to work so i can lose these muffin tops, my double chin, and the extra boobage.
i can't wait for turkey jam in calexico. turkey jam = extended family eats too much food and drinks some beer. then we head over to my uncle chito's house and kick out the jams, motherfucker! gah, i've been missing the fams. too bad i have to drive back to san diego and get up for work the next day at 4 fucking thirty. eugh!
julie's hermit crabs are angry at me. they're stridulating. i had the most wonderful afternoon with jules. now we're gonna eat some food and relax. today is relax day.
i can't keep anyone in my life. it's apparent. i'm afraid to make friends, to get close to people. somehow i'll push them away. i don't really want to. i feel like having a beer or two, but i drank so much this weekend. my great-grandfather's funeral and everyone was down. my family. my baby brother. and i drank as much as i could. and it made everything feel better. and i'm back here and my relationship is teetering over the edge. everyday is a struggle. and i'm snippy with the few friends i do have. it's just so easy to escape to the comfort of the alcohol and the sad songs. i would very much like a person's company. or a 12 pack. i just want to make it all stop, so i can get on with things.
so i'm reading dry by augusten burroughs. almost finished with it actually. being sober doesn't sound so bad. but then i have a drink and all is well again.
my grandpa told me to buy some beer and i went to quick stop and the guy smiled at me and i put the beer on the counter and he laughed and asked for an i.d. he glanced at it for some reason. didn't even have it long to enough to read anything. i used to buy beer from him all summer long. him and his stupid moustache. not even an ironic moustache. just a sincere moustache.
oh, man. what an interesting day yesterday was. first of all, my little brother is absolutely adorable! ah! i'll be going down to the valley for my great-grandfather's funeral tomorrow morning. i'll be with the family til sunday. second of all, dems took the mothafukkin' house! woo woo! hopefully after all the recounts, we can also take the senate. man, that's close. NANCY! woo woo! third of all, whilst at the polling place, i noticed a poll worker who looked like a 50 year old carrie brownstein who was slightly cuter. imagine carrie with a cuter face(is that possible?) and some grays. same haircut, too! old carrie! woo woo!
those are all my woo woos for the day. i've used them up. shit.
i have some goddamn riff in my head cos alicia the chp lady was singing it and i know beavis and butthead would always sing that riff. i can't figure out who plays that goddamn riff. is it sabbath? i wish i could sing it and paste it on lj. argh!
things are going really horribly lately, but i'm not going to let it bring me down. i'm not going to be depressed about anything right now. my mother is coming this week and i'm going to pick her up at the airport and i'm going to meet my 4 month old little brother, adrian and i'm going to see my 11 year old sister, mia. we're going to my great-grandfather's funeral. i'm so happy i'm going to meet my new little brother. i missed my other little brother's birthday party yesterday. sonny turned six and i wasn't there for his birthday. i feel horrible, but he wouldn't have noticed me anyway with all the kids running around.
i'm not really sure about myself right now. not really sure about what i'm doing, and i'm just kind of hoping things will sort themselves out. i'm not ready to put thought and action into my life right now. i'm just letting it happen and i think that's what got me into this mess. it's really not that messy, though. if i step away and look at it from afar, it's all going to be okay, no matter what the outcome. i'll be able to handle this. i might not deal with it, but i'll be able to handle it.
i'll just be here. i'll just hope for the best.
i just might be the most selfish person you'll ever come in contact with.
i'm on julie's ibook right now because i think i broke my computer. the day after i installed more memory on it. cos that thing was slowwww. i went from 128mb to 512mb(the maximum) and i was zooming with my itunes and browser open at the same time. wooo! i don't know what happened. i tried getting rid of spyware and crap with ad-aware and ccleaner. i restarted and it got stuck on "windows is starting up" and i can't even get it into safe mode to restore it cos it still gets stuck! argh! maybe something's wrong with the registry. ahdunno about this shit. thank god i have my music and pictures on a seperate hard drive. sheesh. i guess i'll just have to do a clean install now. cos i am not buying a new computer. too expensive. and this thing can be salvaged. argh. i feel stupid. oh, well. material.
i'm thinking the reason all my friends have abandoned me is because i spent friday night reading an american history book and watching clips of keith olbermann's countdown on youtube. NERD!
i posted on craigslist cos i'm looking for some people to play music with. gah, why can't i find anybody? shit! at least if i'm playing shows i feel better about myself. and i think i've been pretty depressed lately. dunno what it is. i ordered 6 jars of pickled okra from talkotexas.com cos i was arguing with julie and i guess i spend money when i'm mad? haha. what a retard.
i need someone to play music with. goddamnit! wendy! play with me! i feel like the grumpy bug. play with me!
last night julie and i were freaking out cos we ain't got no costumes for halloween. and now i'm at work and i was talking to officer jim and he told me his three year-old daughter is going to be a chicken for halloween. and goddamnit! that's a beautiful costume. i've always wanted a chicken costume. that's what i want to be. i'll find a chicken costume somewhere. as god as my witness.
i know it's really stupid, but this is upsetting me soooo much. someone is listening to evanescence. that's number one. cos that's one of the shittiest bands ever. duh. and two because it's somehow being scrobbled onto my last.fm stats. and so people are going to think i listen to that garbage. beyonce ain't that bad. but evanescence. c'mon, man! i'm freaking out. i tried calling my cousin cos i have no doubt in my mind that it's her, but her phone's busy. i don't know what she did. cos we used the same computer at my grandma's house. i deleted iscrobbler from her itunes a long time ago cos we were having that problem before. and it was fine for a couple of months, but now it's fucking evanescence. eugh. why god?! why?!?!
i hold good taste in music with high regard. yeahyeah, it's all subjective. i know. but this is important to me. if someone wants to add me on some lj/myspace/last.fm sort of thing, i first take a look at their taste in music. it's just very important to me. i don't date people with horrible taste in music either. i won't do it! julie has wonderful taste. heh.
gah, this is killing me. of all the shit to listen to.
goddamn it. it's too early and i'm annoyed with everything. gah! and to top it off, i don't know how the hell nina my 14 year old cousin in brawley is scrobbling music on my account. so it says i've been listening to aly and a.j.(whoever the hell that is) and the new beyonce. GOD DAMNIT!
i'm going to have to take plenty of naps if i'm going to see juana molina tonight. only 3 more hours til i'm in bed again. only for an hour and a half, though. i have to start going to bed earlier!
i like officer jim. he makes me laugh. we're laughing at the sports dude and his silly hand movements.
you know what? fuck that. i'm not boring. i'm just older and more responsible and i have different perspectives on things. and i like making money and maybe i have the potential of becoming a workaholic, but who's counting?
i'm moving right along. just like fozzie and kermit. i'd have to say i'm a combination of fozzie bear, animal and rowlf. definitely.
i've started to floss a lot more lately. almost daily. and that's how often you're supposed to floss. i looked up dental floss on wikipedia cos i'm bored at work and i read this, "Dentists and dental hygienists urge the daily oral hygiene regimen of toothbrushing and flossing. Nearly all Americans brush their teeth. However, the ADA indicates that only about 12 percent of Americans floss daily, 39 percent floss less than daily, and 49 percent do not floss at all."
so i says to myself, i says, "create a poll on lj about flossing! hello!" so this is my first poll EVER! and it's about flossing.
good morning! man, these fucking kashi granola bars are hard to chew. but lots of fiber. and you know i like to stay regular. i have fiber pills that i take when i'm feeling bad. last night i had lots of vegetables and black beans. FIBER MEGAN!!!!
ugly betty made me laugh last night. flan is always funny. who fucking eats flan? it's gross! green eggs and ham. america ferrera is hot!
pointless. diane feinstein's granddaughter is a horrible actress. i should have played her granddaughter. i'm a good actress.
i think it's time i get some new campers. these ones i have are done. i love their shoes. julie wants me to get these. actually, they're slightly different than that, but the camper site won't let me see them right now. i also like these. i can't decide. they have some really cute shoes. i wish i were girlier so i could wear them. go here to see.
we bought books last night. i bought wind-up bird chronicle cos i'd heard good things about it and julie really wanted to read it, too. i almost bought a proust book. dunno why i didn't. i tried to get julie to buy a james baldwin book, but she wasn't in the mood for a heavy book. she just finished my copy of she's come undone. i wanted to buy another joan didion book. either democracy or the white album. i really liked slouching towards bethlehem.
i also bought sid meier's civilization III. so hopefully that'll keep me busy.
i'll be home in an hour. no naps today. today is my geek out day!